I generate leads, build links, write emails that (occasionally) get replies, and fix tech issues by aggressively Googling them. Basically, your human version of “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

With minor training, I could fly a spaceship or at least cold pitch aliens and get them backlinks.

Off the clock, I grind video games like they owe me money, take artsy pet photos, and hold the disputed title of “beloved son and husband.”

Basically, If it involves screens, chaos, or caffeine—I’m your guy.